By Josh Mosley
A number of sources, such as the Arkansas Democrat Gazette, are reporting that utility player Joe Mather is the current “it” guy to start at third base when the Cards open the season against Pittsburgh on April 6. He’s only batting .269 so the job might be his by default with the recent minor league reassignment of prospects David Freese and Bret Wallace. It’s like being an understudy and the lead in the play got food poisoning the night before the play and you had to step in at the last minute. Your prayers at night to get on stage likely were negated when you immediately got into bed and started pulling your pork because, let’s face it, god looks down upon sin. There’s your morality tale, kids–don’t seek god and then sin. They don’t mix.
With that being said, now Mather is going to have to look over his shoulder so not to get bitten by that bastard tick known as the injury bug. I know most of you remember Scott Rolen. The Charlie Hustle third baseman in St. Louis who would aggravate his shoulder by sliding headfirst into third or pulling back his shower curtain after a good soak. Anyway, all I’m saying is that Rolen has, more times than not, injured himself by going all out in spring training and thusly screwed himself over in the season.
Mather would probably be well advised to stay consistent with his effort on the field and watch out for any potholes or hobo midgets taking naps on the streets and sidewalks of Jupiter. You could be just one misplaced “McDonalds bag” (yeah you, Brandon Marshall. I ain’t buying it!!) from being on the shelf.