by Andy Paschen
FINALLY. Baseball season has arrived. How do I know? Because the one event that makes it so occurred this week: Paul Lukas’ ESPN.com Uni-Watch article. God bless that man and his neurotic obsession with uniforms. This year, only three N.L. Central teams made changes to their uniforms: the Cubs, Pirates and Cardinals — let’s read on.
For all of the Cubs fans, if you happen to own a red-billed Cubs hat, the kind they wear with their road uniforms, well, those are collectors items now, because the Cubs are going straight blue from now on, according to Lukas. In fact, all of the Cubs’ changes happen to be cranial related, because the only other change they made is a switch back to normal batting helmets, dumping the Cool-Flo crap they used to sport on their heads. [side note: look at that picture and tell me what’s wrong with it? Why would ANYONE want an Ernie Banks autograph on a helmet that was invented 40 years after he stopped playing baseball? Isn’t this the equivalent of getting George Clooney’s autograph on a copy of last year’s season of ER]
As for the Cardinals, they added a patch, because they are hosting the All-Star game. It’s lamer than Dane Cook movie. I’m not even going to link to it, it sucks that much.
But the big changes go to the Pirates, who have mercifully abandoned that abortion of a red vest they used to play in and replaced it with a super bad-ass alternate jersey. Lukas details the rest of the Pirates changes in his article, which is a must read for anyone that cares as much about how players look than how they perform.
Mr. Lukas, you honor us with your tireless pursuit of jersey justice, and though we don’t always agree with your opinion (seriously, you are way too into socks), your article is always agreeable with us.