by Andy Paschen
Instead of giving you daily, instant recaps of games that have been played, here at Midwest Swing we are going to recap series instead, in hopes that a different perspective will give some insight and information that went previously unnoticed.
Cubs Series Record: 1-0
- Well, that felt familiar, didn’t it?
- It looks like Ryan Theriot is sporting a tweaked batting stance similar to Aramis Ramirez. He’s on his toes more on his front foot and has turned said foot in towards his body more.
- Speaking of Ramirez, how about that sexy new body he’s sporting? He looks considerably lighter, and though I haven’t heard anything official from any journalists, (step your game up peers) I’d say he’s lost 7-10 pounds. And do you know where those pounds went? Right to his Dominican teammate Carlos Marmol‘s ass, because he looks like he ate a steady diet of lard sandwiches this winter. Maybe he was beefing up because he expected to become the closer, or maybe he just really likes Krispy Kremes.
- Ryan Dempster loves being fertile, as he and his wife crapped out a kid on April 1st. Welcome to America Riley Elizabeth Dempster, now love it or leave it!
- It’s the second game of the season, and I’m already getting texts from Cubs fans nervous that Milton Bradley is going to go Ron Artest on someone’s ass. Watching him go 0-4 is like watching someone poke a hibernating bear with a needle full of meth: either nothing is going to happen, or that bear is going to go fucking crazy.
Because I have decided that the fate of the season rests on the journeymen arms that comprise the Cubs’ bullpen, I’m keeping close tabs of their performance and grading them like they’re in junior high. Bullpen Grade:
Monday: B+. Aaron Heilman gets them out of a jam, but Kevin Gregg gives up a run. Marmol is effectively wild instead of wildly effective. Marmol really needs to be the latter more than the former for his season to be considered a success.
Tuesday: C. Angel “El Pobrecito” Guzman was sharp and Heilman got out of another jam, but Neal Cotts blew the game (no thanks to the Cubs’ offense) and Gregg gave up the game losing hit.
Wednesday: A-. 4 IP, 1 HR. Not bad at all. David Patton settled down after giving up a jimmy jack and El Pobrecito continues to show why he was one of my favorite minor leaguers six years ago by pitching a scoreless ninth. I said he was Cy Young material then and, daggummit, I stand by that statement. Like the old adage says: Highly touted minor leaguers that suffered chronic arm injuries get better with age. Note: there is no such adage.
In an effort to find out who is the true MVC this year, I’m going to be handing out gold starts and frowny faces to players each game and keep a running tally of who is really making a difference day in and day out. Heros and Goats I call it, until I figure out a better, more clever name. When the Cubs win – there’s a hero. When the lose – a goat. Jeez, try to keep up, will ya?
Monday’s hero: Mike Fontenot, 3-4, 2 R, Carlos Zambrano, (1-0) 6.0 IP, 5 H, 1 ER, 3 BB, 6 K
Tuesday’s goat: Bradley, 0-4 with a GIDP and 2 runners LOB (that makes him 0-Cubs at press time). You can’t go 0-fer batting cleanup when your team needs runs. Neal Cotts, 1.0 IP, 2 H, 1 ER, 1 K.
Wednesday’s hero: Kosuke Fukudome, 4-5, 4 R, 1 HR, 1 RBI, 1 SB. Serves me right for declaring he sucks yesterday. Clearly Fukudome is an avid reader of Midwest Swing and was enraged by my comments, which means I actually helped him succeed. Kosuke, you can Domo Arigato me later.
Hero Squad: Fontenot, Zambrano, Fukudome – 1
Goat Bastards: Bradley, Cotts – 1