Cubs vs. Brewers Preview: Hey Danny, ready to get pwned?

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Oh hey there Danny, my fellow editor/writer/proprietor of this fair Web site and huge Crew fan. How are you doing? Good? Well that’s going to change after the Chicago Cubs begin their 2009 dominance your pathetic Milwaukee Brewers today at 3:05 Central Standard Time. So grab a box of Kleenex and turn on some Riley Kilo, bitch, because you’re about to feel like an Emo cutter for the next three days.

It’s bad enough we threw a no hitter last year in your backyard, but your team wasn’t even man enough to take the field the next day. Probably because you were too busy shakin’ in your Hello Kitty boots.

Sure, Geovany Soto isn’t going to be behind the dish for a couple games, but that will just make it even more embarrassing when a man named Koyie takes you down. Face it Sir Chump-a-lot, your about to feel like Boba Fett at a three-day Star Trek convention — out matched, out classed and out numbered.

Probables:
Friday: Rich Harden (0-0 0.00 ERA) vs. Braden Looper (0-0 0.00 ERA): Should this even be considered competition? Chalk one up for the Baby Bears. Rich Harden is going to make the Crew look so soft.
Saturday: Carlos Zambrano (1-0 1.50 ERA) vs. Dave Bush (0-1 18.00 ERA): Psshh, probably just be another no hitter. Cubs win.
Sunday: Ryan Dempster (0-0 3.00 ERA) vs. Jeff Suppan (0-1 13.50 ERA): Let’s see, our Soup of the Day is “Untalented Pitcher” Yes, it’s a hearty stew made with many hits, walks and dingers and it’s on the lunch menu, so it only costs a mere $8 million per season. Hey waiter: Too bad your Soup sucks. Plus the game is on ESPN, so even more people will see the Brewers get treated like a red-headed step child.

But in all seriousness Aaron Daniel Brian Patrick Ramirez Mehigan, this is the beginning of a year long showdown, one that we could bet on in a silly manner create posts later in the year when we will be too lazy to write. Think about it, get back to me, and enjoy watching your beloved Brew Crew take it in the two chute.

Oh, and let’s hope Erin Andrews is at Sunday’s Cubs-Brewers game. Because when she dresses like this, we’re all winners.

erin-andrews

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4 Comments

Filed under Chicago Cubs, Milwaukee Brewers

4 responses to “Cubs vs. Brewers Preview: Hey Danny, ready to get pwned?

  1. gribbly

    I’m really looking forward to Mehigan’s reply in which he talks about how having Jeff Suppan and Dave Bush on the mound is a good thing.

  2. Fink!

    Andy,

    Love the hearty “Suppan” line. Classic. It’s also filled with tiny beard hairs from that child-diddling masterpiece on his face.

    Scootsie Finkerton

  3. tombrady'sknee

    Nothing like have almost an average 16.00 ERA for the last two starters of the series. If the crew gets one I’ll be surprised but still very upset. Cubs are sauce

    • dpmehigan

      i don’t know who you are, “tom brady’s knee” but i love your name. that is hilarious.

      not like dave bush is cy young material, but he’s only pitched one inning of relief so far this year, so his 18.00 ERA isn’t very indictive of anything yet. suppan sucks, everyone knows that.

      i’d say crew getting one of three is assumed, you should only be pissed if the crew takes the series

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