Things that are more patient than Rick Ankiel

Plate patience? Plate patience???? Nope. Doesn't ring a bell.

Plate patience? Plate patience???? Nope. Doesn't ring a bell.

By Josh Mosley

In the spirit of the neverending lists that we all have (favorite movies, best big game moments, excuses to ditch awkward chicks) Josh Mosley will be making one of things, people, and matters that are more patient at the plate than one Rick Ankiel. Enjoy folks.

Chest high. Knee low. Across the plate. My little league coach drilled these rules for the strike zone in my head when I was but a young buck with aspirations of being the next K. Griff. But you know who probably forgot, or just flat out ignores, those rules? Slick Rick Ankiel. He’s like a red stater getting his hands on a paintball gun for the first time: he just can’t help shooting whatever helpless creature or minority that walks in his path first. Unreal. Here are some things more patient than Ankiel:

1. A six-year old t-baller.
2. Gerbils with no sense of direction.
3. Geriatrics trying to understand technology.
4. Me driving behind old people.
5. Sorority girls getting hit on by non fraternity guys.
6. Scott Boras during contract negotiations.
7. High school males who hit the jackpot and end up dating the school’s “slut of the moment.”
8. Parents with bratty children in the grocery store.
9. Girls who threaten to withhold relations from their men if they don’t do something they should have done.
10. Me wanting a drink at the bar. There may be batted eyes and big boobs in front of me in line but I persevere nonetheless.
11. Two high school seniors awaiting the results of a home pregnancy test.

Check back later as I find more ways to rip on just how inept Rick Ankiel is at working the count. I’m far from done.


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