The fourth round is underway in our 12-round draft. Check here for official explanation and rules. Let’s listen in as the action picks up with Andy’s selection.
Round 4, Pick 10: With the 10th pick, The Above Ground Pool Party selects CF Snake Eyes from G.I. Joe.
Look at that picture? Are you serious? Are you even considering hitting a ball into my outfield? Frightening. The man is a stolen base machine too, on account of the fact that he will cut off any 2B’s head who is trying to make the tag. Like a hot knife through butter he will. Snake Eyes is boom or bust for the pool party this season, because G.I. Joe comes out later this summer. It could be three flavors of awesome made into a neopolitan blend of deliciousness. But Marlon Wayans is in it, so it could also be horrible. That man has “hit or miss” written all over his career. Requiem for a Dream? Hit. Little Man? The most missing-ness of misses. Check out the trailer if you still can’t understand why I made my selection, but really, I just put a ninja in center field. A ninja! Who wants to step to that?
Round 4, pick 11: The Winner Winner Chicken Parm Dinners select SS Bruce Willis.
The catchphrases. The ability to make bald cool. The range to play a total badass in one film and play goof/goofy badass in the next (See “Die Hard” and “The Whole Nine Yards”). Bruce is about as clutch as it gets. I put him at shortstop for the sole reason that he is 54 years old and still willing to throw his body around in film after film. So naturally he’d be the guy you want snagging line drives and turning base hits into double plays. I feel like he could be this leagues version of Jose Reyes if he plays his cards right. He’d be able to do a little bit of everything. Steal bases, hit for average, etc.
But let’s also not discount the fact that Bruce Willis has knocked back some prime broad real estate in his time in the spotlight. He got Demi Moore young and pre-Cougar phase. He dated Brooke Burns’ tasty ass for a while too. And look who dude is married to now???
Are you kidding me???? REALLY??!! Screw the Reyes comparison. He might be in Derek Jeter territory with the absurd hotness of girls he has had. Kudos, Bruce. KUDOS.
Round 4, Pick 12: With the final pick of the fourth round, Ryan Leaf’s Comeback Attempt selects 2B Lupe Fiasco.
Alright folks, earlier in this draft, a rival GM tried to say that Kid Cudi is dropping the best rap album this summer (or something along those lines, I don’t recall … I’ve been too busy partying in the Comeback Attempt draft room). While I think Cudi shall “bring the hotness” – or whatever the kids are saying these days, Lupe Fiasco is comin’ in hot with an album drop in June. And if it’s anything like 2007’s The Cool, we’re all in for a treat. Fiasco had hinted at only coming out with one more album before calling it a career, but thankfully changed his mind. Now we’ll get Lasers in June, another album this winter, and at least two more from Fiasco himself. Even better, a supergroup has been formed and Fiasco is a major part. Lupe, Kanye West and Pharrell will be releasing an album later this year as a group called “Child Rebel Soldier” and if you don’t think that group is going to ball outrageous, then listen to the song “Us Placers” and check your tone.
On a baseball level, Fiasco is a little dude. While some second basemen these days are jacked and pretty much just hit dingers, most of them are known as the players that do the little things. Scrappy is a word often used to describe them, but there’s a rumor going around that only white people can be called scrappy. I’m just the messenger – don’t get pissed at me. But that’s neither here nor there. Lupe can be a secret power source for me as he drops major studio albums, goes on tour (see you at Summerfest, son!), and probably leaks more tracks via mixtape and on his blog. He’s a step in the right direction for socially conscious rap, and he shows no signs of slowing down. With him and baller 2nd-round selection Spencer Pratt holding down the middle infield, smooth as butter barely begins to describe this squad.
Andy: Clearly this round goes to me. Both of you drafted an actor and a musician. I SIGNED A NINJA! A NINJA! What are you going to do about that? I’ll tell you what you’re going to do, nothing, because he’s a NINJA!