Cubs Series Recap: So THAT’S what it feels like to get punched in the face

by Andy Paschen

Cubs lose the series against the Cardinals: L-L-L
Cubs Series Record: 6-5-3 (21-18 overall)

Ow.

Ow.


Today is going to be all about numbers. Woeful, pathetic, pitiful offensive numbers. Numbers that are so horrible, so evil, they kill newborn kittens and green-light Carlos Mencia productions. To the numbers

2: Runs scored in the three games against St. Louis. 27 innings, 2 runs.
14: Hits in three games against St. Louis.
25: Runners LOB by the Cubs vs. the Cardinals.
4, 5, 6, 7: The batting order of Derrek Lee, Milton Bradley, Mike Fontenot and Geovany Soto.
13: Runners LOB by Lee, Bradley, Fontenot and Soto.
.175: The batting average for Lee (.239), Bradley (.184), Fontenot (.195), and Soto (.206) in the three game series. 7 hits in 40 at-bats.
0: RBI for Lee, Bradley, Fontenot and Soto
1: Opening day starter with a batting average over .300 and not currently on the DL. (Kosuke Fukudome – .317)
6: Opening day starters with a batting average under .280. (Ryan Theriot – .279, Alfonso Soriano – .265, Lee, Bradley, Fontenot and Soto)
19/24: Innings pitched by Cubs’ starting pitchers out of the total number of innings pitched by the Cubs.
7: Earned runs given up by the entire pitching staff.
0: Earned runs given up by the Cubs’ bullpen.
2.33: ERA for the Cubs in the three game series.

You don’t need me to tell you what has to happen after looking at those numbers. Hitters need to support their pitchers. Aramis Ramirez is indeed a huge blow, but he is not so critical to the team that they fall to these depths without him.

Bullpen GPA:
Through intense research and analysis (guess-work) I have decided that if the Cubs are to make the playoffs the bullpen must pitch at a B average for the entire season. So, in order to determine if there is any accuracy in this statement I am chronicling the work of the Cubs’ pen.

Tuesday: A. Kevin Gregg pitched an inning of scoreless relief.
Wednesday: A. Same thing goes for Carlos Marmol
Thursday: A. Jose Ascanio surrendered two hits in an inning and two-thirds, Neal Cotts retired one batter and El Pobrecito pitched one scoreless inning as well.

Bullpen season GPA: 2.72(B-) GPA through 39 games. These three games gave the GPA the biggest leap (.10) in a series thus far, but the thanks should be given to Ted Lilly and Ryan Dempster, who both pitched seven strong innings.

Hero/Goat season leaders:
When it comes to team MVP, people usually stick with the numbers. But at the end of the season, I want to know which player had a direct impact on the outcome of the game the most. To name my Cub season MVP (and LVP), I am keeping track of the game’s heroes and goats in order to determine a winner. Usually it is one game, one hero/goat, but that is by no means a written-in-stone rule.

Tuesday’s Goat: Wait for it.
Wednesday’s Goat: Wait for it.
Thursday’s Goat: If you couldn’t tell from the numbers up top, Derrek Lee, Milton Bradley, Mike Fontenot and Geovany Soto are all in the doghouse after this one. Hit or go home. Seriously, I don’t want to see any of them at the park until they can act like professional baseball players.

Hero Squad: Number is games chosen as hero/goat.
5– Soriano
2 – Fukudome, Johnson, Lilly, Ramirez, Theriot, Zambrano
1 – Bradley, Fontenot, Gregg, Guzman, Harden, Lee, Marmol, Scales, Soto
Goat Bastards:
4– Bradley
3– Fontenot, Patton
2 – Soto, Cotts
1 – Fox, Gregg, Harden, Heilman, Hoffpauir, Lee, Samardzija

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