A week’s worth of recaps and a new wrinkle to boot

by Andy Paschen

Losing sucks, especially when youre drunk and sitting next to smelly trash.

Losing sucks, especially when you're drunk and sitting next to smelly trash.

My children, I have failed you as a daddy. You come here time and time again to learn about the Cubs, only to be slapped in the World Wide face by stale material. So in an effort to get you reading more because, you know, knowledge is power or something, I’ll be linking the crap out of this space so you can learn as much as possible about your favorite Baby Bears. 
Cubs lose the series against the Padres: L-L-L
Cubs win the series against the Pirates: L-W-W
Cubs Series Record through Wednesday: 7-6-3 (23-22 overall)

Fun Fact: The Cubs are 0-19 when scoring less than four runs. It’s a good thing our Cubbies can hit or else we might be in real trouble! Oh, right …


Bullpen GPA:

Through intense research and analysis (guess-work) I have decided that if the Cubs are to make the playoffs the bullpen must pitch at a B average for the entire season. So, in order to determine if there is any accuracy in this statement I am chronicling the work of the Cubs’ pen.

Friday: B. Three innings of on-run baseball ain’t nothing to sneeze at. Predictably, it was Neal Cotts that surrendered the run.
Saturday: A. Thanks to Randy Wells, the bullpen only had to get through one inning, which Carlos Marmol did effectively.
Sunday: C. Though he was only credited with two of the three runs, Aaron Heilman gave up the bomb to Kevin Kouzmanoff that put the game out of reach for a team that couldn’t hit Rihanna if they were Chris Brown.
Monday: C-. Yeah, they gave up four runs and blew the lead, but they did pitch five innings, which was an inning more than their starter, Ryan Dempster, gave them.
Tuesday: N/A. Rain shortened the game and allowed for the Cubs first complete game of the season. Sean Marshall for Cy Young!
Wednesday: A+. Marmol picked up the win, Kevin Gregg picked up the save and the Pirates didn’t scratch a run across.

Bullpen season GPA: 2.75(B-) GPA through 44 games. The number steadily climbs, and it should only get better without Neal Cotts mucking it all up.

Hero/Goat season leaders:
When it comes to team MVP, people usually stick with the numbers. But at the end of the season, I want to know which player had a direct impact on the outcome of the game the most. To name my Cub season MVP (and LVP), I am keeping track of the game’s heroes and goats in order to determine a winner. Usually it is one game, one hero/goat, but that is by no means a written-in-stone rule.

Friday’s Goat: Micah Hoffpauir. 0-4 4K, 5 LOB. A golden sombrero only looks good on Cinco de Mayo, senor (just imagine there’s a tilde on that n).
Saturday’s Goat: It’s hard to put the blame on one member of the offense, so this goes out to Hoffpauir and Bobby Scales, both who left men on base at critical points in the game.
Sunday’s Goat: Aaron Heilman. Until he served the the three run dinger to the batter he was supposed to, you know, get out, the game technically was still in reach.
Monday’s Goat: Neal Cotts. Even though Dempster pitched poorly, the lead was intact until Cotts served up three runs in an inning of relief.
Tuesday’s Hero: Sean Marshall. A complete game four-hitter! Sure it was only a five inning game, but whether it’s an inch or a mile, winning is winning. Vin Diesel told me that once.
Wednesday’s Hero: Reed Johnson. Game winning dinger from the scrappy center-fielder will get you into the Hero column a time or two.

Hero Squad: Number is games chosen as hero/goat.
5– Soriano
3 – Johnson
2 – Fukudome, Lilly, Ramirez, Theriot, Zambrano
1 – Bradley, Fontenot, Gregg, Guzman, Harden, Lee, Marmol, Marshall, Scales, Soto
Goat Bastards:
4– Bradley
3– Cotts, Fontenot, Hoffpauir, Patton
2 – Heilman, Soto
1 – Fox, Gregg, Harden, Lee, Samardzija, Scales

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