A few weeks ago, Cincinnati starting pitcher and resident stud Edinson Volquez went on the disabled list with some mid-back spasms. He complained, probably jokingly, that he never wanted to spend any more time on the DL because he was so bored. So as soon as his 15-day DL stint ended, Dusty Baker sent him to the mound in St. Louis against the Birds.
On a scale of 1 to awful, I’d say it went pretty awful. He pitched a grand total of one inning, gave up two hits, one run and threw a whopping 24 pitches. That, ladies and gentlemen, is not a quality start. He was removed after said first inning with numbness in his ring and pinky fingers with symptoms of what they are calling “elbow inflammation.” I have no idea how that came up while he was out with a back injury, but needless to say, it was one of the worst comebacks I’ve seen in some time. By the way, he’s back on the disabled list. Adjust your lives accordingly.
On that note, let’s try to find some of the other worst comebacks of all-time, so maybe Edinson has someone to talk to during the next two weeks when he’s not allowed to touch a baseball. I’ll start us off, but feel free to let me know about some good ones I’ve missed.
Michael Jordan (the Wizards one): As a Milwaukee Bucks fan (Light it up!), I find great hilarity in telling Bulls fans that MJ will go into the Hall of Fame as a Wizard. In two years in DC, pretty much all he did was hurt some of his career stat lines (his two lowest non-injury scoring averages, his lowest free throw numbers, minutes, etc.), destroy the Wizards’ salary cap for a few seasons, and almost ruin their franchise when he took over as general manager by drafting Kwame Brown first overall. Honestly Mike, picking me woulda been a better idea.
Eminem: Okay, so rappers can never really be considered retired, because all they want to do is drum up more publicity for their next album, but hey, I didn’t write the rulebook. Marshall Mathers retired from music in 2004 (and film in 2005), only to come back early in 2009 with Relapse. I haven’t heard all of it, but from what I have, dude might want to hang ’em up for good. He’s thrown a few hits out there in the past solely for radio play and to rake in cash, but he made his living being outlandish and just not giving a fuuuck (a real song title, so I’m not just being vulgar) about what the general public thought. His new stuff is very meh. In my opinion, it’s good for KISS FM, but it’s not good enough for V100 (that’s a Milwaukee shout-out). Eminem, you’re better than that.
Every Old Boxer Ever: I don’t even need to document this. Boxers are so used to getting their faces pounded in for $20 million per fight, they just can’t give it up when it’s time. You know it’s true. I know it’s true. Let’s move on.