Midwest Swing Draft, Round 7

The seventh round is underway in our 12-round draft. Sure it’s taken us multiple weeks to get this far, but I still think we’re faster than the NFL. Check here for official explanation and rules. Let’s listen in as the action picks up with Danny’s next selection.

With the 19th overall selection, Ryan Leaf’s Comeback Attempt picks 3B Brad Pitt.

Hot Corner on Lock Down

Hot Corner on Lock Down

I’m not necessarily one to discuss the attractiveness of most men, and I’m quite confident in my masculinity thank you very much for asking. That being said, it takes neither a nun nor a gold digger to figure out that Brad Pitt is an attractive man. Chicks dig that, along with the long ball of course. Women in the seats? Boom.

There were some newly released Forbes rankings about “Most Powerful Celebrities” or something along those lines (it’s a really slow night at work, forgive me) and there is a new No. 1. It’s Angelina Jolie, also known as the wife of Mr. Pitt. Most powerful celebrity in the world on our side? Boom.

While we’re on the topic, Angelina Jolie is fine. Beyond fine, really. And Pitt got with her after he was finished with Jennifer Aniston. I think there’s a statute against me even thinking about women that hot. Nice catch, Pitt.

Moving on, have you seen The Curious Case of Benjamin Button? I sure haven’t, but a lot of important people did, and they gave it a whole bunch of awards. Dude was nominated for three Best Actor Awards and two more Outstanding Performance by a Male Awards (sounds the same to me, eh?). $239 million worldwide and 13 Academy Award nominations? Don’t even try to contest it. You know the premise behind it though, right? Pitt actually gets younger as he gets older. My third baseman being around forever because while you get old, he gets younger? Boom.

He’s coming out with another big film in August 2009 called Inglourious Basterds, directed by the esteemed Quentin Tarantino. He has two more projects for 2010 on the way. He’s setting up a worldwide pool of future RLCA talent by adopting children all over the place with Jolie.

Oh, and let’s not forget, he’s a Missouri Tiger. M-I-Z, baby. Game, set and match – or whatever the baseballized version of that phrase is.

With the 20th overall selection, the Winner Winner Chicken Parm Dinners select SP Lui Kang.

No-No's EVERY TIME!!!

No-No's EVERY TIME!!!

Big ups to Super Nintendo and to arguably the best fighting game in the history of time. Street Fighter and Virtua Fighter shouldn’t even submit their names to the ballot because Mortal Kombat wins in a landslide. And for my money, Lui was the best player on that game. Just my preference. Scorpion was awesome but I was all about Kang.

So why would I put him as my starting pitcher? Well for starters, he’d quickly surpass Hideo Nomo and put Daisuke Matsuzaka to shame as the Orient’s greatest pitching prospect. And what’s his go-to pitch? A fastball that is so fast it might as well be fire. In fact, it IS fire!!!!!!!!! All bats would be burned if they tried to swing at it. Literally. What would be the point of even developing another pitch? It’s one dimension that doesn’t need to be built on.

Plus if someone was dumb enough to charge him on the mound, he’d simply sit them down with a horizontal flying kick of awesomeness. Who’d stop him? Not this guy.

And although Mortal Kombat isn’t an “in” game right now, I will say this. As long as my RP Lil’ Wayne continues making mixtapes with MK references such as The commissioner of Wu-Tang, Ninja/Tryin’ to tell you I can kick it like Lui Kang, Ninja OR Got that sub zero flow/How you want me, ma?/Ninja get over here like Scorpion. It’s as if he knew they’d be teammates in the future. (Andy: In some mixtape Wayne also says And I got more kicks than Lui Kang. Dude loves Mortal Kombat.)

With the 21st overall selection, The Above Ground Pool Party selects SP Jay-Z’s “(D.O.A.) Death of Auto-Tune.”

To preface, I have been a staunch supporter of the auto-tune from it’s inception. I remember watching Stevie Wonder breath into that weird tube on youtube before Lil Wayne dreamt up Lollipop, before anyone knew who T-Pain was and before Snoop Dogg make sexual explosion on anyone’s stomaches. I loved 808s and Heartbreak, too.

But when Jay-Z makes a formal declaration regarding the state of rap music, it’s time for everyone to step back and listen. Sure, there will always be a place in hip-hop for the auto-tune, and those who do it well certainly shouldn’t abandon it because one rapper said so, but the saturation of auto-tune was too much. It became a gimmick that people wanted to use just because it was the thing to do, like pet rocks or  Tamagachis. And really, when the Black Eyed Peas make an entire album that pretty much abuses all forms of auto-tune, it’s time to move on. Let’s leave the talented Euro DJ sets to work with auto-tune for a while, and lets bring rap back to its previous life.

Fortunately for all parties involved Jay-Z, Common, Lupe Fiasco, Kid Cudi Kanye West (maybe) and Clipse all have albums due out within the year, and other than Kan the Don, I don’t see much, if any auto-tune coming from any of those artists.

So go out and play “Lollipop,” “Love Lockdown,” and “Kiss Kiss” one more time — but let’s give auto-tune a rest for the summer of ’09.

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