by Andy Paschen
UPDATES! Updates, updates, updates. Looks like some of our talented players are scoring points in the fantasy world, so let’s dive in and check out who’s socking virtual dingers and who’s watching the cheddar blow right by them. Remember, if you need a refresher course on what it is exactly we are doing here, click here for our rules and regulations.
Amy Winehouse, 2B, The Above Ground Pool Party: You know what is a good way for a bad girl to score some points? When her mom says she needs to be “rescued.”
“The need to rescue her is enormous,” said Janis Winehouse to England’s ITV.
Why does she need to be rescued faster than a Kevin Costner/Ashton Kutcher movie? She’s recently cancelled a comeback performance in London and, though she is still in drug treatment, is still getting sauced good and plenty. Plus, she needs rescue her from being an awesome drunk living in the tropics? I don’t think so mama.
Analysis: That’s what I’m talking about Amy! They try to make you go to rehab, but you said no, no, no. Would you have scored points for me with a triumphant comeback? Of course you would have. But your failures are my success too my sweet, sweet addicted two-bagger. I knew you were the right pick for my team, even if you haven’t put out a new song in something like two years to date.
Lupe Fiasco, 2B, Ryan Leaf’s Comeback Attempt: Keeping up with the second base theme, a track off of Lupe Fiasco’s next album Lasers, got leaked onto the interwebs, and though I still stand by the fact that Kid Cudi’s album will be the rap album of the year, “Shining Down” featuring oft-collaborator Matthew Santos is hot, hot fire. Lupe is pretty pissed about the leak, which is the only reason I’m not linking to is here (Respeck, Lupe) but needless to say if you are reading this post as haven’t heard the song, your next step should be to fire up whatever illegal means you use to download music and acquire it post-haste.
Analysis: Not only does “Shining Down” rival Cudi’s “Day ‘N Nite” in terms of relative hotness (though the edge still goes to “Day ‘N Nite” because there is no way “Shining Down” will infiltrate as many radio stations, DJ tables, night clubs and bars), but Lupe even goes as far as rapping about one-third of a verse in Auto-tune, slapping my starting pitcher, Jay-Z’s “D.O.A. (Death of Auto-tune)” right in the face. Points for Lupe, loss of points for “D.O.A. (Death of Auto-tune).”