Bryce Harper: Diaper Dandy or Damn Dummy

Savior? Maybe. Sophomore. Absolutely.

Savior? Maybe. Sophomore. Absolutely.

By Josh Mosley

As my two dollar an hour immigrant lackey constructs my soap box behind me, I’d like to make a couple of announcements. First: please no flash photography. I know I’m handsome but let’s show some decorum. 2: Tayshaun Prince, Barack Obama and Jesus. People that I get confused for on a daily basis. It’s amazing that my ego is so well adjusted. Third: That’s all I had and my box is done so time to pontificate.

If you’ve been on the net or the sports screamers the last few days, you’ve undoubtedly heard the name Bryce Harper uttered. He’s a 16 year old sophomore who hits as hard as a Chris Brown back hand and pitches with the ferocity of George Michael. You can read all of the particulars in this article right >here

You’ve also probably read the reports that he and his parents have decided to peace out on his last two years of high school, get the GED and make himself eligible for the draft next season. For those counting at home, he will be 17 years old, making more than his parents combined yet he’ll still be living with them. College grads and un-athletic schmucks can commence with the weepage now.

My take: I’m very open with my belief that the NBA age limit is a good idea and should be increased by a year. Are there exceptions? Yes, there are. If you watched the NBA Finals this year and the accompanying puppet filled commercials, then you’d see my point. Still there are more failures than successes and that’s a fact (see: Tyson Chandler). Baseball is a different monster entirely. There’s a reason guys like A-Rod and K Griff were able to do what they did right out of the prep ranks. They were good AND they, and I know this is a funny notion, FINISHED HIGH SCHOOL!!! What does he have to gain athletically by being there? Not much. He’s playing to lesser competition and twiddling his thumbs between innings. Maturity wise? A lot. For all I know, he could be the most mature 16 year old on the face of the earth. But that’s not saying much. It takes a certain head on your shoulders to handle life on the road and a baseball locker room.

Plethora of buttcracks and playful sodomizing aside, does Harper think he’s ready for that other stuff? Plus what happens if he gets the quick call up? He’s going to be that kid? He’ll be known as the young buck who bucked the trend and got to the show before he could legally vote. That was okay back in like the ’50’s. But now? Well let’s say he’d be just a wee bit ostracized.

But what do I know? I’m poor and not good at baseball. I could be totally wrong.


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