Monthly Archives: July 2009

The Above Ground Pool Party makes a deadline deal

by Andy Paschen

So remember when I said that Public Enemies could be the movie of the year? You don’t? Good. Ignore that, pretend it never happened. Because earlier in the day, I sat down with my managers, the boys from West Baltimore — specifically pitching coach Bodie and Marlo (obviously since Slim Charles and Wee-Bay are the muscle, they handle the hits) — and we agreed that out bullpen situation was looking perilous. So I got on the phone and managed to package Public Enemies, that shitty Katherine Heigel movie The Ugly Truth and Jude Law’s unlawful baby mama into the potential sleeper hit of the year and new closer: District 9.  Continue reading

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Filed under The Rest

Fiyah!

by Andy Paschen

Here in Chicago, all is right with the world. Black is black, white is white, up is up and down is down. Cats and dogs aren’t living together, there is no mass hysteria. Why? Because the Cubs have officially come out of the gates in the second half like gangbusters, using their wooden swords to cut down any foe stupid enough to cross their path. Continue reading

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Filed under Chicago Cubs, Houston Astros

Cards Catch-up Notes

FAIL!!!! Do that all you want in Boston.

FAIL!!!! Do that all you want in Boston.


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Filed under St. Louis Cardinals

Bonerstar Galactica!

It’s out. It’s out! IT’S OUT! 

Believe me when I say, you won’t regret this.

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N.L.SoM: The race, the race, the race is on fire!

nlstateofmind

I’d like to start this recap with a quote from possibly the greatest television series, The Wire, I have ever witnessed in my short 23 years of life on this big blue marble:

“Fuckin’ Burrell’s asshole must be so tight you couldn’t pull a pin from it with a John Deere tractor.” – Stan Valchek. Vulgar? You bet. Unnecessary? Possibly. Relevant? Absolutely. Because that’s how close the N.L. Central is these days. Continue reading

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Filed under Chicago Cubs, Houston Astros, Milwaukee Brewers, St. Louis Cardinals

Big (Ginger) Tree Fall Hard

Days later, we're still waiting for the Gomes homer to land.

Days later, we're still waiting for the Gomes homer to land.

There are a lot of reasons that the Milwaukee Brewers are currently playing like ass bags. Ryan Braun (until about three days ago) couldn’t spell RBI if you spotted him the R and the I. Bill Hall’s baseball talent is nowhere to be found. J.J. Hardy is likely spending too much time grooming that awesome soulpatch to worry about hits. And the pitching staff – wow. God, they are bad. Almost every single member of that staff is falling apart at the seams. But the biggest offender not named Carlos Villanueva is none other than Seth McClung.

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Filed under Milwaukee Brewers

Now normally I’m not the type to fire the opening salvo … (and other stuff, too)

by Andy Paschen

… but other times it feels good to throw the first punch. Sure I could talk about Matt Holliday in Cardinal red, or give a Cubs recap which I have failed to do. Continue reading

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Filed under Chicago Cubs, St. Louis Cardinals