by Andy Paschen
… but other times it feels good to throw the first punch. Sure I could talk about Matt Holliday in Cardinal red, or give a Cubs recap which I have failed to do.
Or maybe I could talk about that other Chicago baseball team with the pitcher did something important or whatnot — I don’t know. Listen, I don’t follow the Chicago Rush because I follow the Chicago Bears no matter how many AFL championships they win, so why would I follow the Southside baseball team?
But I would like to bring your attention to two pieces of literature written over at the US Magazine of sports – Deadspin. The segment: Why your stadium sucks. The subjects Busch Stadium and Miller Park. Now I don’t want to toot my own horn, but some of the criticisms I brought up in the series: Cardinals or White Sox, who ya got? are discussed in the Busch Stadium article. Faaaantastic.
Finally, I know that I never finished the Who ya got? with a clear decisive winner. White Sox or Cardinals? Cardinals or White Sox? Honestly, it’s taken about 3 hours of daily meditation and inner-soul searching to really figure out who I hate more. There is just so much to hate.
But yesterday in the car, I figured it all out.
My father and I were driving me to the Howard St. El stop and we were talking about how close the N.L. Central race is (it’s a tight as a hipster’s skinny jeans). My father said he was glad a guy like Piniella was in charge of the ship, because he’d been to the show before. I pointed out to him that the Cardinals and Astros have both recently been to the World Series (even though Houston has a different manager) and he said, “When?” I told him it was in 2005 against the White Sox. His reply, “No wonder the Sox won. Who should have beaten them to go to the World Series?” I told him. “The Cardinals.” “Oh.”
We then talked about how horrible a Cardinals-White Sox World Series would be and I said, gun to my head, I would cheer for the White Sox. (quickly I recanted and said I would cheer for the natural disaster that would destroy the stadium they would be playing in) Therefore, I guess my answer is that I hate the Cardinals more. It’s one thing to be an insufferable team with insufferable fans that talk shit about the Cubs, a talent White Sox and Brewers fans are no stranger to. But when you talk shit about a team who, in your own loud, often vocalized opinion is far inferior to you, and come off as the single most pretentious, jackass fanbase in all of professional sports — well, you’re in a league all your own.
Congratulations St. Louis Cardinals, I fucking hate you.