Now normally I’m not the type to fire the opening salvo … (and other stuff, too)

by Andy Paschen

… but other times it feels good to throw the first punch. Sure I could talk about Matt Holliday in Cardinal red, or give a Cubs recap which I have failed to do.

Or maybe I could talk about that other Chicago baseball team with the pitcher did something important or whatnot  — I don’t know. Listen, I don’t follow the Chicago Rush because I follow the Chicago Bears no matter how many AFL championships they win, so why would I follow the Southside baseball team?

But I would like to bring your attention to two pieces of literature written over at the US Magazine of sports – Deadspin. The segment: Why your stadium sucks. The subjects Busch Stadium and Miller Park. Now I don’t want to toot my own horn, but some of the criticisms I brought up in the series: Cardinals or White Sox, who ya got? are discussed in the Busch Stadium article. Faaaantastic.

Finally, I know that I never finished the Who ya got? with a clear decisive winner. White Sox or Cardinals? Cardinals or White Sox? Honestly, it’s taken about 3 hours of daily meditation and inner-soul searching to really figure out who I hate more. There is just so much to hate.

But yesterday in the car, I figured it all out. 

My father and I were driving me to the Howard St. El stop and we were talking about how close the N.L. Central race is (it’s a tight as a hipster’s skinny jeans). My father said he was glad a guy like Piniella was in charge of the ship, because he’d been to the show before. I pointed out to him that the Cardinals and Astros have both recently been to the World Series (even though Houston has a different manager) and he said, “When?” I told him it was in 2005 against the White Sox. His reply, “No wonder the Sox won. Who should have beaten them to go to the World Series?” I told him. “The Cardinals.” “Oh.”

We then talked about how horrible a Cardinals-White Sox World Series would be and I said, gun to my head, I would cheer for the White Sox. (quickly I recanted and said I would cheer for the natural disaster that would destroy the stadium they would be playing in) Therefore, I guess my answer is that I hate the Cardinals more. It’s one thing to be an insufferable team with insufferable fans that talk shit about the Cubs, a talent White Sox and Brewers fans are no stranger to. But when you talk shit about a team who, in your own loud, often vocalized opinion is far inferior to you, and come off as the single most pretentious, jackass fanbase in all of professional sports — well, you’re in a league all your own.

Congratulations St. Louis Cardinals, I fucking hate you.


Hes not the first Cardinal caught napping on the road, right Tony?

He's not the first Cardinal caught napping on the road, right Tony?



Filed under Chicago Cubs, St. Louis Cardinals

2 responses to “Now normally I’m not the type to fire the opening salvo … (and other stuff, too)

  1. Danny Mehigan

    am i surprised you happened to miss your beloved deadspin’s why your stadium sucks wrigley field edition? not at all.

    funny how brewers fans are insufferable fans cheering for an insufferable team… yet before 2005(ish), you didn’t hate them. awfully insecure of you to only hate a team because you’re a little scared the crew is decent these days.

    that being said, i can’t disagree. fuck the cards. baseball heaven my ass.

  2. Fink!

    I would like to point out that nothing bad was actually said about the Cards Stadium at all in that article. Very nit-picky.

    Wrigley is a dump. Fact. (and it tries to murder people; with falling concrete)

    Miller is just a waste of money and a glorified barn for fat cows. Fact. (and it actually murders people)

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