By Josh Mosley
Live from a couch that isn’t my own in Columbia, Missouri it’s the Midwest Swing Cards report. Sorry for the lack of updates kids. Your humble Cards webmaster is currently homeless having just moved out of my apartment this past weekend. My residence in the city of Columbia is over but a piece of my cholesterol filled heart will always be with this city.
Ironically, the week I was swamped like the everglades, the Cards made roster moves out the wazoo. With that said, let’s go over what has been a eventful and possibly season changing last ten days in Cardinal nation.
*First the Cards traded sent Chris Duncan down to Memphis. HOORAY!!!! The guy had worn out his welcome as well as the turf in left field with his invisible bat, swiss cheese glove and disgusting chewing habits.
But, as if it couldn’t get any better, it does. Right before game time against the Astros, it was announced that Duncan got shipped out of the Cards system altogether, sending him to Boston for 2B Julio Lugo. It’s as if the Sox don’t know how much Duncan sucks and gave the Cards a solid every day second baseman batting .284 with an attitude apparent attitude problem. Fine with me because it’ll get fixed quick and Duncan is gone. Win and WIN. Bye Bye Duncan. Don’t eat too much chowder.
*Not more than 36 hours after the dismissal of Duncan, the Cards closed the deal of the summer so far when they sent 3B prospect Brett Wallace and Clayton Mortensen to the A’s for reigning NL Silver Slugger LF Matt Holliday. TLR has been trying to lock this guy down for almost a year after he toiled in Oakland for the first half.
So 36 hours after unloading the equivalent of LA early morning smog in left field, the breath of fresh air in left field blows into the Cardinals lineup. Holliday started off his STL stay with a modest 4 for 5 showing against Philly and has hit safely in every game he has played in so far. Here’s hoping he wants to stick around and grow old with Mr. Pujols. They’d be a cute interracial batting tandem.
*There was bad in the last few days though. A 2-5 road trip was salty, lowlighted by getting swept in fucking Houston and allowing 23 runs in the last two games against the Phillies. The last one is okay with Philadelphia surging and shutting the door on the NL East. With that bad stretch first place went back to Chicago. I’m not throwing up in my mouth too much because I honestly don’t think the Holliday deal makes the Central an open and shut case like some are saying. The competition is good and it’ll feel good when the Cubs come up JUST short and are shut out of October. That would be SWEET.
*Last bit of info comes out today that Todd Wellemeyer (recently given the brilliant nickname of “Meatball” by Facebook Cards fans) has been taken out of the rotation and put into the bullpen according to the the yahoos at the St. Louis Post Dispatch. The “It’s about damn time” file cabinet thanks TLR for lightening its load.
Look, the guy has lost his last four decisions and has the highest ERA (5.79) of any MLB starter. He’s bad. Not bad “Who’s Bad?” bad like MJ but bad like high percentage of fat cheerleaders at Danny’s old high school. Now will Mitchell Boggs, his replacement, be any better? I can only hope so. But my breath isn’t being held.