The Above Ground Pool Party makes a deadline deal

by Andy Paschen

So remember when I said that Public Enemies could be the movie of the year? You don’t? Good. Ignore that, pretend it never happened. Because earlier in the day, I sat down with my managers, the boys from West Baltimore — specifically pitching coach Bodie and Marlo (obviously since Slim Charles and Wee-Bay are the muscle, they handle the hits) — and we agreed that out bullpen situation was looking perilous. So I got on the phone and managed to package Public Enemies, that shitty Katherine Heigel movie The Ugly Truth and Jude Law’s unlawful baby mama into the potential sleeper hit of the year and new closer: District 9. 


District 9

District 9


Granted, I would like to say my managerial staff completely missed the call on what is currently my favorite movie of the summer, 500 Days of Summer, a movie that I knew I wanted to see the day it came out over a year before it hit theaters. But The Above Ground Pool Party is not one to wonder, “What if …” so onward and upward, or something. 

From what I gather, District 9 is about aliens that landed in Africa (of all places!) and can’t leave. so they are allowed to live in segregated areas around where they landed (think Jim Crow laws, but if Jim Crow were a racist interpretation of an extra terrestrial insect looking thing). But then shit gets crazy, and then there are robots snatching missiles out of the air and houses exploding and all sorts of havoc being wrecked upon both sides as you can see in the trailer here

The one thing I am interested in seeing play out is the fact that this thing is getting pimped out like a summer action blockbuster, despite the fact that actually it is a sci-fi horror film by all accounts. Will the public, being the stupid sheep that they usually are, herd themselves into the theater on their own false assumptions and detest the film? Let’s find out together.


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