Recap: Kevin Gregg, please report to the principal’s office.

by Andy Paschen

Cubs lose the series against the Marlins, thanks to a bullpen full of failure, L-W-L. This puts the Cubs .5 back of the Cardinals for first in the N.L. Central, and 2 games back of Colorado and San Francisco for the Wild Card lead.

” I hate so much … about the things you choose to be.” That Office quote goes out to Kevin Gregg, also known has Joe Borowski 2.0. You blew back-to-back saves, and deserve to have two losses on your record if it weren’t for the beast-man known as Derrek Lee, who saved your sorry ass by lighting the fuck out of a 10th inning pitch and socking a mad dinger. Honestly though, you do not have the stuff to be a closer. I don’t care that you are 21/26 in save opportunities, you’ve given up 10 HRs as a reliever (the most in the N.L.) and your stuff is spectacularly average. Period. Maybe Carlos Marmol is the answer, maybe not. But I’ve got no problem with trying him or El Pobrecito (Angel Guzman). Pull the trigger Lou. What’s that? No? Great.

And you would be? Welcome John Grabow and Tom Gorzelanny, welcome to the other side. I can only assume, after playing for the Pirates, you must feel like Andy Dufresne from Shawshank Redemption after crawling through miles of poop only to reach freedom on the other side. John, we understand what you are: an average/above-average left-handed bullpen arm, one that will take some pressure off Sean Marshall (he’s not going to stay this dominant forever and he can’t be the Cubs’ only LHP reliever) and possibly be joined by B.J. Ryan to create a three-headed, left-handed Monstar. That’s right, Monstar. Like in Space Jam.

Monstar Shawn Bradley. Really? Shawn Bradley got his own Monstar? Was George Muresean busy?

Monstar Shawn Bradley. Really? Shawn Bradley got his own Monstar? Was George Muresean busy?

As for Gorzelanny, it looks like he’s going to have a three-start audition to prove he’s one of the prettiest girls at the dance and deserves to stick around in the starting rotation. In 15 starts at AAA Indianapolis, he’s 4-3 with a 2.48 ERA. But, in his 8 starts since his last demotion, he’s yielded only 6 earned runs. Personally, I’m excited to see what the guy can do. He’s 26, dominating AAA and only two years removed from winning 14 games with the Pirates. 14 games. That’s like 25 games for any other team.

Don’t call it a comeback, but the Chicago-area could have a Geovany Soto sighting later this weak. He’ll be coming off of the DL from a strained oblique/ineptitude and it would be a huge boost to the entire team if he could hit the ground stroking. This is truly the definition of a win-win-win scenario (that’s two Office quotes thus far). Let’s say he comes back stroking: Win. The Cubs essentially then have traded for two huge bats without actually trading for anyone (thanks to the return of Aramis Ramirez). Let’s say he comes back and blows: Win. Koyie Hill hasn’t done dick with the bat for the better part of the season, and now he can get some rest, which can only help his meager offensive statistics. Either way, Jake Fox now doesn’t have to be considered the emergency back up, and it becomes easier for Lou to maneuver his bat into the lineup: Win.

Bullpen season GPA: 2.97(B/B-) GPA through 103 games, up .03 from the last time I decided to do this. The Cubs have been even better since the All-Star break. Despite the pen’s recent sucktitute, the bullpen is holding down a 3.11 GPA since that time. 

Hero Squad: Number is games chosen as hero/goat. Sent downNot with team. New Addition.
10 – Lee
8 – Soriano
6 – Zambrano
5 – Lilly, Ramirez
4 – Harden, Johnson, Wells
3 – Fukudome, Soto, Theriot
1 – Ascanio, Bradley, Dempster, Fontenot, Fox, Gregg, Guzman, Hoffpauir, Marmol, Marshall, Scales
Goat Bastards:
5 – Bradley
4 – Fontenot, Gregg, Heilman, Soto
3 – CottsFox, Hoffpauir, Marmol, Patton, Soriano
2 – Fukudome, Harden, Lilly, Marshall, Samardzija
1 – Ascanio, Guzman, Johnson, Lee, Scales, Zambrano

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