For those of you that haven’t heard, Prince Fielder tried to go all John Cena on Guillermo Mota and the Los Angeles Dodgers at the conclusion of Tuesday night’s ballgame. Here at the Swing, we have studied the film (really puts the Zapruder to shame), filled beakers with liquids that cause unknown gases, and stroked our beards-in-the-making for hours as we try to dechiper the incident. (Note: I realized this is late, and definitely not news, if it was even news in the first place. But I was busy. And out of town. And you’re going to deal with it.) And what follows is the breakdown:
Guillermo Mota was a Brewer in 2008. He finished the year with a 4.11 ERA, saved one of four opportunities and had a 1.40 WHIP. It’s not necessarily good, but compared to his compadres in the Milwaukee bullpen (especially the 2009 version), it’s legit.
When Prince Fielder gets angry, he gets real angry. And he’s 280 pounds, so when he’s very angry, you know it.
In the 7th inning, with the score 12-3 Dodgers, Chris Smith grazed Manny Ramirez on the arm with a pitch. And I don’t say grazed because I’m a Brewers fan trying to paint the Dodgers as the bad guys. The ball barely touched Manny. Plus Smith doesn’t throw hard enough to hurt a high schooler, let alone a professional. Now it’s possible that Manny is a little tempermental these days since Major League Baseball took away his fertility drugs, but I’m not the doctor here.
In the 9th inning, there are two outs and the score is 17-4 (wow, what a bullpen). Mota drills Fielder in the leg with a fastball. Fielder glares, Mota gets tossed, the next batter gets out, and the game is over.
Despite being calm and collected on the field, Prince was obviously steamed. After the game, he sprinted through the hallways underneath Dodger Stadium and tried to get into the Dodgers’ locker room. (See? I didn’t make it up.) He was stopped by teammates and security. He was eventually led away. Nobody (humans or animals) was hurt.
This is the part of the scenario that has stumped scientists for decades (read: a few hours, perhaps a day). Was Prince already done with the Brewers buffet and wanted more food? No. Fat jokes are mean. Did Mota throw away the last veggie burger? C’mon now. That’s a fat joke and a vegetarian joke. Leave the big guy alone. Was he pissed Mota was actually able to hit his spot for the first time in years … and this time it was Fielder’s body? I can see the logic in that one, but sources have told me otherwise. Was it a stadium-wide game of Hide & Seek that Fielder couldn’t quite figure out? That’s not even funny, or remotely baseball-related. Just dumb. Well, shit, I’m out of ideas. Anybody out there know why Prince charged him? Anybody? Bueller?