Cubs-Padres: Midwest Swing on assignment!

Longtime friend and rabid Cubs fan Ted Rosenbaum is gracing us with this post: a recap of his experience at last night’s turd of a Cubs game. Mr. Rosenbaum graduate from Penn in something to do with engineering (fancy!) so that makes him more than qualified to write for Midwest Swing, where we only require that our writers are literate in the loosest sense of the word.

It’s just like Wrigley North, only older home fans, warmer weather and cuter Cubs fans of the female persuasion. But the game is exactly the same: frustration (0 runs, 4 hits through seven innings), elation (a 1-0 lead heading into the bottom of the 8th), false sense of complacency (Carlos Marmol works a perfect two-thirds of an inning, Kevin Gregg gets the lead-off man in the 9th), paranoia (one-out walk to David Eckstein) and collapse (FUCK YOU KEVIN GREGG).

I had Bartman Seats with my sister and her boyfriend, and was part of what had to be at least a 60-40 crowd in favor of the Cubs. The entire lower bowl on the 3rd base (visitors) side was Cubbie Blue. When Milton Bradley couldn’t score after a one-out double and a balk to get him to third, we should’ve seen this as clue No. 1 that we weren’t going to win. Ten men left on-base probably didn’t help things either …

So, to make myself feel better, how ‘bout some hate on the Padres and their fans?

• Eckstein uses the chorus to this song for his at-bat music:

Thing is, I don’t even think he’s being ironic or anything except sincere about it. I’ll try and get pictures tomorrow when I’ve got better seats, but he seemed to have this intense/”Oops I Crapped My Pants” look on his face as he walked to home plate. (Editors note: SUCK IT! God I miss 2000-era WWF.)

• In the top of the 9th, they did the wave. There’s a special circle of hell reserved for wavers at games that aren’t Latin American soccer matches. It involves a stadium with only one person in it, and a cowpoke up the ass every four seconds. Enjoy the afterlife, Padres fans!

• Like every new ballpark, Petco has a scoreboard which puts up a “noisemeter” or some such bullshit to get the fans to yell louder at crucial moments of the game. Thing is, the Padres use it all the time. Full count on Kosuke Fukudome with no one on in the 3rd? Noisemeter! But only for about 15 seconds, because they can’t have this creepy looking Friar waving his hands at the batter from the big screen in left field. So the graphic goes off the scoreboard about 10 seconds before the pitcher actually throws the ball, plenty of time for the fans to go back into library mode. The 60% of the crowd that was Cubs fans made 90% of the noise until the bottom of the ninth.

• Now that Trevor Hoffman is gone, the Padres have no signature ninth inning anything. But the fans miss their “Hell’s Bells”, and they couldn’t let those ominous bell graphics for all the scoreboards go to waste, so what’d they do? Put a bell halfway up a light tower that the Padre mascot goes and rings at the start of the bottom of the ninth when the Padres need runs (which is often.) It’s like the Rally Monkey, only inanimate and lamesauce.

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