A Fat Man Celebrates and A Nation of Soft-ass Dudes Cries

The other day (Sunday, to be exact), Prince Fielder hit a walk-off home run in the 12th inning to give the Brewers a 2-1 win over the San Francisco Giants. It was the only win in four tries over the holiday weekend for the Crew. But of course, the only story from the game (It was a 12 inning, one-run game! There was a triple play! Aaron Rowand grounded into a triple play for Pete’s sake – somebody talk about how ridiculous that is instead of this crap!) was actually a non-story blown out of proportion because we live in a time of moral soapboxes and giant, giant softness

Watch the video here. Prince hits a bomb on the second pitch and the crowd goes wild. Fielder points back at the dugout on his way around the bases, untucks his jersey near second base (OH THE HORROR!), and finishes his trot by jumping on home plate surrounded by his ‘mates. Upon impact, everyone else falls down like a bomb went off and then they quickly get up and celebrate with Prince.

I first saw it and thought it was hilarious. I’ve seen that in the NFL, I’ve seen it in rec football, I’ve seen it in BASEketball – the finest movie in American cinematic history (It’s true, look it up). Everybody with an opinion I’ve heard claims it was funny, but there’s just no place in the game for it. Yeah, man, fun sucks. Get it out of my baseball! We’ll attack the biggest reasons for why Fielder disrespected the game, prove them horribly wrong with a simple statement and move on.

It shows up the opponent. Because Manny Ramirez, Barry Bonds, even my main man Ken Griffey Jr. have never admired a home run before. Because Jose Valverde, Carlos Zambrano, and Frankie Rodriguez never go ballistic every time they do their job correctly.

They should have been focused on baseball, not practicing stupid celebrations. I can guarantee the planning for this took about 12 seconds. Prince: “Next time I hit a walkoff, you guys do the blow up and fall down thing when I land on home plate.” Everyone else: “Fantastic idea, Mr. Fielder. This will be swell.” End scene. There’s a shitload of down time in baseball – from all the hours spent at the park pre-game, around the cages, in the dugout … it isn’t outlandish for a power hitter to expect to hit a walkoff dinger and tell his teammates to clown a little bit.

They’re 15 games out! They suck! Everybody already knows this. At this point, the Crew is merely playing for pride. And hopefully for fun. So that’s what they were doing. Nobody gets pissed when the Lions celebrate a touchdown in December just because they were eliminated from the playoff race already (Ed. Note: Assuming the Lions score a touchdown…).

I bet they learned that one from all their World Series celebrations! Bahaha they don’t have any! (From Cubs fans. Seriously.) Yeah, when Cubs fans haven’t told me that Fielder is dumb because the Brewers are 15 games back (touché if the Baby Bears make the playoffs this year but me thinks it ain’t happening), they bring up a lack of a World Series title. I don’t even have to respond to that, do I? And I realize this point is pointed at the Cubs rather than the baseball establishment, the media, et. al. but it still blew my mind to hear that.

And to end it all, remember, if you don’t want someone to celebrate, don’t let them score. Pussies.



Filed under Milwaukee Brewers

2 responses to “A Fat Man Celebrates and A Nation of Soft-ass Dudes Cries

  1. Mark Renken

    I couldn’t agree more. Dinger watchability is a long lost art…and I’d like to think it’s in my repituar

    Mizzou Club Baseball
    Watching Dingers Fly since 2004

  2. Josh Mosley

    I saw that for the first time in Any Given Sunday and it was badass when I was 14. And I still think it’s awesome at the age of 23. So all those PC level 5 douchers can stick it. Maybe I’m saying it because I have a Prince Fielder shirt jersey. Maybe I’m just not too up for people “taking the high road” and saying the game has to be boring.

    But that had me rollin’. Go get it Prince with your Ice Cube in “Boyz n the Hood” minus the fly ass gheri curl lookin’ ass.

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