It’s Football Time!

It's college football, and it's awesome.

It's college football, and it's awesome.

When your baseball team sucks, you have to find something new to focus on for three hours a day when it gets into the dog days of August and early September. Actually, it doesn’t matter if your baseball squad is good or not, the start of the football season is the dawn of possibly the best time of the year. With that, college football started last weekend, and despite a high amount of big-time programs playing a bunch of crusty-ass nobodies, there was more than enough great football to go around. Jump with me as I discuss the best games, and the not-so-great that still mean something to me, from week one.

It all started on Thursday night on the smurf turf in Boise when Boise State beat the crap out of Oregon, but hey, Oregon got a minor point back when LeGarrette Blount knocked Byron Hout the fuck out (IN ONE PUNCH! IN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE!). Unfortunately for Blount, he’s now suspended for the rest of his senior season and draftniks have claimed him to be “worthless” to the NFL. That’s the breaks, kid! Maybe he can be a boxer?

The real shit started on Saturday, and we’ll quickly go conference-by-conference and I’ll mention whatever I want to mention.

The Big 10 underwhelms – as usual. Ohio State almost chunked against Navy, and they are in deep shit against USC this weekend if they play like that again. Superstud QB Terrelle Pryor had “Vick” written on his eyeblack and made a ridiculous comment post-game about how “everyone kills people, murders people, steals from you …” (I realize he didn’t mean it like that, but WOW!) If he beats SC, then he misspoke. If he loses and tOSU flops this year, Pryor is a problem child. You know, or something like that. In other news, Minnesota ruined Greg Paulus’ debut (yay!) in overtime, Wisconsin barely hung on against Northern Illinois and Missouri stomped the shit out of Juice and the Illini. It took two blocked field goals for Iowa to beat Northern Iowa at the buzzer. Michigan looked damn good, but it was against Western Michigan, so I’ll wait until Week 2 to give them a thumbs up.

The ACC kinda sucks. Again. Virginia Tech lost a good game to Alabama. Miami beat Florida State 38-34 in one of the greatest games, though not most meaningful, in their storied rivalry. I missed it for reasons unexplained. I am furious. Beyond that, the ACC ate a fat one. Duke and Virginia lost to I-AA teams. Wake Forest lost at home to Baylor. Maryland lost to Cal by 39. NC State only gave up 7 points to South Carolina … and lost. Better luck in basketball, gents.

The Big 12 is better than you think. Sure, this is some alma mater bias speaking, but seriously – get off the SEC’s jock and check out the flyover states sometime. Even though Oklahoma lost (by one, neutral site, ranked opponent, no star tight end or QB in the second half), the Big Tweeze showed me somethin’ in Week 1. Oklahoma State beat down Georgia – they seem to be handling the hype. Texas is Texas. Mizzou cocksmacked Illinois, as Josh discussed earlier this week. Baylor won on the road. Even Texas A&M won by five touchdowns. Should be another great year in the league somehow looked down upon nationally because it lacks a Tim Tebow.

The SEC is not to be trifled with – I think. Georgia was the only loser, and they have nothing to be ashamed of by going down in Stillwater to OSU (mentioned above). LSU had a good win on the road over a much improved Washington team. ‘Bama is no one year wonder. South Carolina hates points but loves wins. Nobody else played a team worth mentioning, so we won’t.

The Pac-10 hangs out a lot. Pretty girls at least. Oregon got blasted. Cal, USC, and Arizona State did some major blasting. Stanford busted Washington State in a Week 1 conference tilt. It was a ho-hum week in the league where nothing really surprised an observer. Like I said before, Washington will be much better. Considering they went 0-12 last year, that isn’t saying much.

The Big East is a great basketball conference. But it’s football season, so they are an embarrassment to the BCS. Give their shit up to the Mountain West already. Rutgers and Louisville have fallen so damn far off the map in the last few years, it’s shocking. Syracuse is still brutal, but that can be expected when your starting QB hasn’t played a game of football in five years … and happens to be the biggest douche in college sports today not matriculating in Lawrence, Kansas.

Notre Dame is back. So sit down, haters. Jimmay, Jimmay, Jimmay, EL JIMADOR. I’m a Notre Dame lover. Many of you are Notre Dame haters. Well, you had your time to mock me endlessly, but it may be coming to a close. The Irish crushed Nevada 35-0 to start the year, and it might be a 10-win season in South Bend. The schedule isn’t that tough, but it’s no easier than 98% of the other schools in D-1. Nevada isn’t that great, but they aren’t that bad. And Colin Kaepernick is a damn good QB that just got owned by the Irish. Jimmy Clausen is going to have a big year throwing to Michael Floyd, Golden Tate, Kyle Rudolph and company, and I want you to know you heard it here. This coming Saturday will tell us a lot about the Irish and the Wolverines of Michigan – these two proud programs won’t be down for long, and this Irish homer thinks the Domers will rise a bit quicker in 2009.

“Comin’ In Hot” Teams of the Week: Missouri, BYU, Oklahoma State.

“Awful. Take A Lap” Anti-Teams of the Week: Oregon, Illinois, Virginia.

Week Two’s Best Matchups: USC @ Ohio State. Clemson @ Georgia Tech (Thursday). Notre Dame @ Michigan.


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