It’s Week Four of the NFL season and one (bogus) storyline is dominating the headlines. Brett Favre faces the Packers for the first time. In fact, ESPN is pulling out all the stops on Monday afternoon by going for the Guinness World Record for most mentions of Favre in a single television show. That is officially the stupidest shit I have ever heard in my life, and I have heard some stupid shit before. I realize Brett is a legend in Wisconsin and we never thought we’d see him in a Vikings uniform. It’s damn near criminal. But he’s pulled so much crap over the last two years with his multiple retirements, his J-E-T-S-ing and whatnot, that it really doesn’t faze me too much anymore. I can’t say I speak for all Packer fans; there was an awful lot of booing at the Packer bar here in Chicago last weekend when they showed highlights of his first TD pass to Sidney Rice. But honestly, ESPN, fuck off. We don’t need this.
Movin’ on! Show me the games!
Sunday Early Afternoon
Ravens @ Patriots – I, for one, never jumped on the Patriots bandwagon. Of course, not many people outside New England did, so I’m not unique by any means, but I take joy in watching them fall back to Earth so far in 2009. And I don’t think the Ravens are afraid of the big, bad Pats. 2-0 E Reed Boy, the Best D B Boy. Check it out.
Buccaneers @ Redskins – The Redskins are just brutal. That’s a common fact. But new Bucs’ head coach Raheem Morris made a tough mistake by replace Byron Leftwich with the wrong Josh as the starting quarterback. Yeah, Morris picked second-year man Josh Johnson from San Diego (Fire up Toreros!) to start on Sunday instead of first-round pick Josh Freeman. It could get real bad real quick for Tampa. So congrats, Redskins!
Titans @ Jaguars – The Titans started out 10-0 last year and didn’t win a playoff game. So maybe they’re trying to start out 0-10 this year and win the Super Bowl? Bold strategy, Cotton. Let’s see how it pays off for ’em!
Raiders @ Texans
Lions @ Bears
Bengals @ Browns – I consider it completely bullshit that Brady Quinn has been benched. Did you see what Derek Anderson did in order to wrestle the job away from Brade-man? Anderson played one half of football. He led the Browns to three points. He threw three interceptions. And THAT got him the starting job? Eric Mangini, you are a fuckin’ joke. Yes, I have a Quinn bias, and he was playing like feces, but Derek Anderson is not the answer.
Seahawks @ Colts – You wear those lime green jerseys again, Seattle, and I will punch your collective city in the face.
Giants @ Chiefs – I wonder what it will take for the Chiefs to win a game this year. They already played the Raiders at home and lost, so I hope they play the Browns. Or the Rams.
Sunday Late Afternoon
Jets @ Saints – The Fightin’ Dirty Sanchez has been playing above and beyond what most, including me, expected. Then again, the same can be said for the Saints. Everybody knows that Drew Brees goes beast mode on the daily, but who knew his teammates were so good?
Bills @ Dolphins – Miami is bound to win soon. Great ball control. Decent defense, but they give up a lot of big plays. Luckily, Buffalo choked in Week One against the Pats and may never recover. Plus, I love watching T.O. fail.
Cowboys @ Broncos – I don’t completely believe in the Broncos, and I don’t think they deserve to be 4-0. But I don’t believe in the ‘Boys either, especially on the road.
Rams @ 49ers – If Glen Coffee doesn’t go off in this game and get a kickass endorsement deal with Folgers, then I just don’t know what to think anymore.
Sunday Night Game
Chargers @ Steelers – LT, my my, how quickly you have fallen.
Monday Night Football (What? You think it was a basketball game?)
Packers @ Vikings – FAVRE! FAVRE! FAVRE! FAVRE! FAVRE! FAVRE! FAVRE! FAVRE! FAVRE! YOU THINK THIS IS BAD, WAIT UNTIL NOVEMBER 1 WHEN IT’S AT LAMBEAU! FAVRE! (Editor’s note: I’m sure there’s bias in me picking the Pack to win in Minneapolis, but I think Brett might try to do a little too much in this one, throw a crucial pick or three and Green Bay steals one on the road. If the Vikes just hand it to Peterson all night, however, the home team takes the win. Oh, and Favre!)