The Lions: Only one win away from a winning streak. It has happened before.
Holy shit, the Lions won. No typos there. The Detroit Lions actually won a NFL game that counted. That’s the first time anyone can say that since Dec. 23, 2007. Detroit put the beatdown on the Redskins, 19-14, and turned Jim Zorn into this week’s winner of “Most Likely To Be Fired” where the contestants are every human being ever.
If you took the advice of my esteemed colleague Andy Paschen in Week One, you probably brought home the bacon big time and saved your family, house and marriage all in one fell swoop. Wait, you took his advice for all 16 games? Not just the 11 he correctly predicted? Well, that was just dumb on your part. Hopefully, you’re reading this from a free Internet café so you can get through the whole thing before you get booted for mooching too much.
But as we move on to the Week Two picks, we should mention a few things about the first week. One, in the game that matters most to this site, Jay Cutler was hilariously bad. Beyond that really. I understand throwing a shitload of interceptions – that was my M.O. as a high school quarterback – but at least throw them in the general direction of your own players. Truly embarrassing for Bears fans that thought this guy would be the bees’ knees. Hey, by no means is he a bust, it was only one game, but wow. Tough start, eh? Two, the Patriots pulled that one straight out of their ass on Monday night. Looks like Bills fans are ready for another rousing four months of devastating losses and excessive drinking in the cold! Wooo!
That’s enough of the past, however. On to Week Number Two…
by Andy Pachen
This segment is dedicated to who I, dirty-Goldilocks, believe had a major impact on the outcome of the previous Bears game. Hopefully it will run every Tuesday, but who really knows what life has in store.
To the white jerseys Jay! The white ones!
Jay Cutler:”His passes are too errant!”
Hello baby birds, you look hungry for some NFL knowledge. Don’t worry, I’ll fill you right up with some yummy, regurgitated goodness. It’s my gift to you. So strap in, strap up and strap on — it’s time for my week 1 NFL picks, guaranteed to win you something. Or maybe lose. Probably a little of both. Continue reading