Category Archives: Chicago Cubs

A season of disbelief: Your 2009 Cubs

by Andy Paschen

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I’ve written plenty of things this spring, summer and fall that ended up being not true. I called Derrek Lee all but washed up, and he decided to have an incredible year by everybody’s standards, not just Cubs fans. I said that Public Enemies was going to be the movie of the summer — it wasn’t. I said the Cubs would win the division. I think we all know how that turned out.
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Cubs Recap: Let’s play GM!

by Andy Paschen

I happened to find myself at Wrigley Field last night to take in the Cubs-Astros game. Honestly, my interest in the game was waning and I don’t feel bad about it. Why? Well, why should I feel guilty about giving up on a team that has literally given up on itself? Because saying the Cubs were going through the motions last night would be like calling the ocean damp. It was about as exciting as watching cows eat. With the exception of Derrek Lee, there is almost no reason to pay attention to that franchise in its current state.

That being the case, it’s time I strapped on my thinking cap (it’s a metal spaghetti strainer with a mini-American flag at the top) and gave the ol’ GM Jimmy Hendry a few ideas for this off-season. Lets get cracking: Continue reading

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Milty the Meth Bear, Mr. Solo-dolo


by Andy Paschen

Ah, Milton Bradley, you poor sonofabitch. You signed with the Cubs what seems like an eternity ago, and the fans were excited that somehow your on-base percentage would be the missing link to that shiny ring.

Well. That didn’t quite go according to plan. Continue reading

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Who’s Ya NL (Central) Rookie of the Year?

Rowengardner: NOT my Rookie of the Year

Rowengardner: NOT my Rookie of the Year

I could spout off angrily about the Brewers getting swept by the Pirates, coming back strong to defeat the Nationals 3 of 4, and taking that momentum all the way to the bank in Milwaukee. Of course, they left it at the bank and got swept by the Reds at Miller Park this week, so we won’t talk about that anymore. The Crew is now 61-66 and, for all intensive purposes, donezo.

So instead we’re going to discuss the NL Rookie of the Year race, with 95% of the discussion centered around NL Central players and a line or two about the rest of the schmucks in the league.

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N.L.SoM: Cubs fans — get used to this shit, it ain’t goin’ nowhere

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It’s official: the season is over
. “Wait ’til next year” is here. Sorry Cubs fans, but there just isn’t anyway around it. The Cubs are seven games back of the Cardinals and six-point-five back from the Wild Card lead. It’s not unheard of for a team to charge back, especially since there are around 40 games left in the season, but the Cubs are not one of those teams. This season has been a waste, one that can be summed up in three words: injuries, bad offfense.

Here’s the real kicker, when you watch the 2009 Cubs limp to the finish line and take an early vacation, only to watch their division rivals try and add another World Series banner to their outfield, understand that you are essentially watching the 2010 Cubs as well. Continue reading

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Cubs-Padres: A … win?

Longtime friend and rabid Cubs fan Ted Rosenbaum is gracing us with the stirring finale of his experience at all three games between the Padres and Cubs. Mr. Rosenbaum graduate from Penn in something to do with engineering (fancy!) so that makes him more than qualified to write for Midwest Swing, where we only require that our writers are literate in the loosest sense of the word.
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Cubs-Padres: Fats McGee, Cubs jerseys and face punching

Longtime friend and rabid Cubs fan Ted Rosenbaum is gracing us with part two of his experience at last night’s turd of a Cubs game. Mr. Rosenbaum graduate from Penn in something to do with engineering (fancy!) so that makes him more than qualified to write for Midwest Swing, where we only require that our writers are literate in the loosest sense of the word.

In case Andy’s too deep in denial to call it, I’ll say it: Yesterday broke the Cubs back. Coming off a sweep by the Phillies, they took 2 from the Pirates, then the rain gave the bullpen a day of rest (unlike God, they didn’t deserve it) and so they came to the Whale’s Vagina trying to get some momentum before facing the Dodgers in a weekend set. They’re one strike away from starting the series with a win, and then Kyle Blanks remembers how to hit a first pitch cock-shot fastball. (sidenote: FUCK YOU KEVIN GREGG) Tonight, they come out flat.
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