Interns: America, your horror movies are the weakest of sauce.

Hello again readers, since my last post I’ve seen a number of movies, read a ton of reviews and heard input from friends about certain movies they want to see. Through all of this I’ve begun to realize something … movies as a whole are no longer trying to be inventive and really push the issue with their content. For the most part they are just trying to make money. [editor’s note: A little young to be this cynical, David.]

Fantasy Football: “You’re a great route-runner.”

Week 4:
Fantasy God … Steve Smith
The Giants-version Steve Smith that is. The “great route-runner” from USC that had another game of over 100 yards received to go along with two scores. You know what kind of receivers are called great route-runners? The ones that aren’t fast or strong, they aren’t tall or lean — they’re average sized, average speed, non-white guys. See, if they were white, they’d be called possession receivers. I don’t get it either. Which leads me to believe that calling someone a “great route-runner” is basically code for “I have no idea why this guy is good at football, but he is, so we’re going to have to figure out how to compliment him without lying.” Congratulations Steve Smith, you’re the Pablo Sandoval of football — nobody can explain your success.

MWS Intern: I just wanna dance!

by David Horwitz

To Watch For
So everyone it’s been about a week since my last post and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Not to mention a lot of movie and trailer watching. Now everybody usually thinks of the fall as a dead spot for movies. Which is true most studios do throw out their junk around this time. However, as the hibernation ends we have a lot to look forward too in these upcoming months. Big names like Denzel Washington, John C. Reilly, Vince Vaughn, Ellen Page, and the almighty Robert Pattison all have movies coming out…and to be honest they all look pretty f@*%in sweet [editor’s note: Interns aren’t allowed to cuss]. But from what I’ve seen one of these stars movies looks a cut above the rest and yes I’m talking about the vampire one.

Fantasy Football: Are you in last yet?

Week 3:
Fantasy God … Maurice Jones-Drew
Ugh, this backfired in my face. I gotta be honest, I’ve never been high on MoJo because I don’t think anyone should be drafting an 800-yard rusher with a top-3 pick. But did he make me feel silly pants this past week. 147 total yards and 3 scores will do that. However, the Texans do have a horrid rush defense, so I guess it’s not really that impressive. No, it was impressive, but I was born a hater and I will die a hater, and you better believe I spend all the time in between hating indiscriminately.

N.L.SoM: Why your Top 10 list blows

Hey kiddies, it’s been a while since I dropped a real column on you, one that hasn’t been mailed-in or chalk-full of useless information. We’re a little beat up over here at the Swing, and without a healthy mind and body you cannot have a healthy Web site. (For all of you philosophy buffs out there the answer is yes, that is an exact quote from Descartes. He truly was a visionary.)

College Football Polls: The Essence of Dumb

More confusing, this thing or the polls?

Everybody knows that college football’s ranking system is a little out there. It’s rare when everyone agrees on the results, yet everyone still talks about it, because shit, what else do we have to do? But in 2009, the upsets have turned the major polls into a beacon of disarray and discombobulation.

In the AP Poll and the USA Today Poll, the first nine are all the same. I have no major beef there as Florida, Texas, and Alabama start things off. Then LSU, Boise State and Virginia Tech are in spots four through six. And USC, Oklahoma and Ohio State follow them. Then it gets wild.

Bird’s the Word in 2009

Real men bumps chests

By Josh Mosley

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Week 3 Picks: It’s gamblin’ time

by Andy Paschen

Early Games: (Winner)
Browns (+13.5) at Ravens – What if the Ravens have offense?
I’m just saying, it’s something we’ve never seen before, and it could spell doom for the rest of the AFC. People are convinced that the AFC title is going to come down to Ben Rothelisberger, Phillip Rivers, Tom Brady or Peyton Manning and their respective teams. But the Ravens? With an offense? We’ll know in a couple weeks if this team could be the power in the NFL’s junior circuit.

Fantasy Football: Analysis 100% accurate or I’ll brain you

by Andy Paschen

Week 2:
Fantasy God … Frank Gore and Chris Johnson
Normally I  would put a single player here, but I happen to have anecdotal evidence that several people had both Gore and Johnson last week. And in America, if you know something that happened to someone you know, then it must happen to everyone everywhere. Thus, everyone that had Gore has Johnson as well and proceeded to put up huge numbers. Amazing! I love America.

College Football Week 3 Round UP

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